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Life Advice for a Grandchild
by Linda Case
My first grandchild is due to appear on April 13. The parents have steadfastly refused to learn its gender which increases the anticipation. In preparing for a family baby shower, I asked each attendee for advice they would like to give the baby. Kids submitted advice ranging from "You need to learn to lift your legs," to "Don't put things in your mouth."
Beloved family pets also submitted their advice to the baby. I'm not sure how this came about but I guess they dictated these treasures to their owners. From one dog came "Squirrels are your enemy. Chase them whenever you can. I'm not sure what you do when you catch one. But you probably won't." "Your first Christmas, ask Santa for a frisbee," was another dog's advice.
Lots of advice came from the adult relatives. It was serious and carefully considered - an attempt to reduce a lifetime of experience into only a few words. "Keep your dreams. Don't let anyone take them away from you," wrote a great Aunt who had many of her dreams taken away during her life. The baby's uncle advised "Always go one step beyond your limits."
But here is what was most striking - not one bit of the advice had anything to do with work, financial success, having the most "toys," winning over others and all those things we spend so much of our days seeking. You've probably heard the somewhat trite motivational exercise of imagining your funeral and thinking about what you would want those who are important to you to say about you. It's never about work, about money (unless it is how your money was used to help another) or about success in the popular concept of the word. It's about those special qualities only you can bring to those about you.
The great living poet Maya Angelou writes, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." I want to remember that advice every minute of every day because it is so deeply true and so profoundly important. Accepting folk for who they are and who they want to be, helping them achieve their goals while they help you achieve yours are mighty concepts at work, at play and at home.
So why are we afraid to bring our real selves to work? So many of us have one persona at home and one at work. The work one is usually tougher, harder, less giving and less forgiving. Let's get rid of it and instead be our best selves in each area of our lives.
And why are we so afraid to praise? Our industry has a punchlist mentality. We are always looking for what is wrong - what is defective. Studies clearly show that praise is at least five times more effective in motivating. One speaker has called it "Vitamin P." If we believe the words of Maya Angelou, the feeling sincere praise gives those around us will last forever.
I've surveyed company after company of employees and lack of praise is a continuing theme. You would think praise was gold - in limited supply - and had to be hoarded. Yet our praise is a never ending resource. And it is one of our most powerful influencers at home and at work. Yet I could tell you about remodelers I've worked with who were starved for praise as kids and now can't give it to others. I could tell you about the 63 year old woman who told me she wished her parents were still alive because then they would see she turned out all right. She had been Phi Beta Kappa at college and an exemplary young woman but she will search all her life for the praise she never got.
Why are we afraid of what we call "touchy feely" stuff? If you want to influence those around you for the good and if you want them to remember positively how you made them feel, this is just recognizing the emotional side of life (and business.). Most of us would rather be tortured than confront anger, grief, and the deep emotional moments that are bound to come up at home or at work.
Give it up. Don't try to wear the "suit" that the world wants you to wear in your business. It's really a straitjacket. Take your whole self to work and invite those who work with you to do the same. Create an environment that not only encourages top flight quality and service but which provides a positive environment where good people can live their values and flourish. You will create a legacy that lives far beyond your lifespan.
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Remodelers Advantage Inc.
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